4/29/2k24 – The last time I saw mom alive

Mom Walking

Danzig – Mother

They removed the tube from her throat and was trying to speak. She was speaking but I could not understand.

I wasted no time…

“All is forgiven, mom.” I said with tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m making amends with you now, good mother.

Her eyes got big and she smiled while nodding. I held her hand and rubbed her arm. She was cold, but I was warming her up. I stayed for 2 more hours, kissed her all over her face, she squeezed my hand and smiled as I walked away.

“I’ll see you after my surgery, Mom. I love you so much!!” I threw a kiss from the door and walked aout.

This was the last time I would see my mother alive, but I feel we parted with a spiritual clean slate. I can still feel her squeezing my hand.

5/2 /2024 – Mom Dies, I meet my brother after 25 years.

A guy was shouting into his phone as I walked off the elevator. I noticed my stepfather, Chris’ voice coming from his phone.                                                

It was my brother… 20 years later.

I was stunned. It all became surreal after this on out.

I shook his hand and asked.

“Are you Mike?” I asked in passing.

“Yes.” He said looking up from the phone.

“Hi. I’m CJ, your brother.” I said, reaching out to shake his hand. “

We all went into the room containing her body. Mike was crying.

“I love you, Mama.” I whispered, kissing her several times. I placed my hands on Mom’s arms after kissing her face.

“She’s still warm.” I said as I prayed with my head on her tummy.

“You’ve spent the last 4 months with her.” Chris said. “Taking care of her. Thank you.”

“To the bitter end.” I said with my head on Mom’s tummy. “As I promised to her and to myself.”

Later that night, Chris walked in carrying the stuffed animals we gave her and the “Get Well Soon” balloon from the hospital. It was perhaps the saddest thing in my life, adding to the saddest day in my life. He felt like I did when Karin passed.

5/4/2k 4 – Meeting with Mike

It’s been 2 days since mom has left us and the reality is kicking in for me that she is truly gone. It’s only now the tears start streaming and I have to keep busy, like when Karin passed. There is a formula to this shit. I just have to focus on other things…and smile. Celebrate their lives.

Mike came over and we had a good meeting. I knew once we started working together, there would be no going back to the old way.

5/9/2024 – 1 Week later…

I keep breaking down when I think about her. I still hear her screaming in pain through the walls.

“CJ!” She would shriek. Please move my arm and roll me over!”

Sometimes she would call my phone, but after she lost movement, all she could do is call out, softly.

I did my best.

It was at this point she agreed to go into the hospital, buying her more time with us.

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