To those that don’t live in California, and did not see the news reports about the Woolsey fire that started late in the afternoon of Nov. 8th, and quickly started spreading Nov. 9th. The Woolsey 2018 fire burned more than 95,000 acres, destroyed Hundreds of homes; and displaced Thousands of people! Above are several photos of the massive magnitude of destruction and devastation to the area!! The last photo is of one of the many Hundreds of homes that were lost in the fire!
I will officially open my 56th birthday as the beginning of my new life and my new recovery.
Encouraged by a local online group, I bought myself a Guns and Roses ticket to their first Hawaiian appearance. After the hells of this year, I deserved some much-needed rest and recreation.
I watched in glee, sooth me, playing just for me and my birthday and the reward for surviving a nasty year.
“Relax, CJ.” I could hear Axle Rose saying to me, “This night is for you, bud. You did the best you could. Now enjoy!”
As I watched, I listened to these old songs in college, I realized the gravity of the thirty years that have passed since I saw them last in 1988 with Aerosmith. I find I have come full circle in my life.
The song, “Yesterday”, of course hit home, telling me yesterday is over. Its’s done. Let her go, CJ. She’s not coming back. Let’s move on.
But last night was an encouraging sign seeing middle-aged guys my age still rocking, still going strong even after thirty years of public damage and hardship. Granted, GnR has millions and premium healthcare to put them back together, I still managed to survive despite my self-destructive tendencies and missed opportunities.
Looking back at those thirty years since college, I realize the mistakes and the near-death experiences I‘ve had. But in retrospect, I’ve come further and traveled more than anyone from that mid-sized town in Jefferson City. It is here, I’ve decided my life can and will begin again.
With Karin’s passing, my life has changed, exponentially, of course. It has been sixteen years since I’ve been alone. I’m not searching as of yet and libido is nil. I’m still working through her death and I still fall apart when I think about the horrors of how she died.
So, stop thinking about it.
I do. My mother and my stepfather gave me a lovely signed card saying how glad I am here with them. This makes me feel so good of course after experiencing a “negative” reaction from September to mid-November. My family has become my number one blessing in my recovery. I love them so much.
For it is here, as my family gives me a home to get my medical needs done and let my mind heal from the trauma of that hellish summer. Tomorrow, Monday will be difficult for me as I will be going in for a mole removal. I’m told by one of my general practitioner doctors that it was not cancerous and to stop worrying.
Everyone tells me to stop worrying. I try, but its tough after the rough year I’ve had. But things are turning around and so I am piecing my mental health back together again. I
I will stop here and report back with the results this week.
I do believe, Karin. I do believe I will be fine, because its benign. Amen.
As the first Christmas without Karin approaches, I find myself stronger than 4 months ago. Breathing in the fresh, Hawaiian, ocean air, clearing the contaminants of Los Angeles from my lungs and mind, I follow the voice of my Karin as she directs me to heal myself for the upcoming challenges. She purifies my soul, elevates my spirit. She still watches over me, guiding me to what is right. I thank her daily.
I feel this because I believe, because Karin taught me to believe. I do believe! Thank you, my love, for teaching me this.
December 10th, 2018 Dermatology Day.
Today is the I get this large mole cut out of my groin and biopsied. I will continue being positive and upbeat.
1:15pm – The last few minutes are kind of scary. I’m taking a deep breath and putting my faith in God’s hands.