CJ's Story

Leaving Hawaii

Sunday, March 31st, 2019.

It’s a beautiful day here in Honolulu with only 3.5 days left to go until I fly back to Los Angeles to face my fears and “get on with my life” as Karin’s sister Anne told me. It is calm, warm and quiet here at the apartment that gave me ominous haven after Karin died.

I tried off and on rendering a complex Octane project, but things are heavy on my mind, again, despite the fact we all knew it would happen. I’ve been working full time most of the month and feeling exhausted,  so I worked only a little bit on webisode 6 of Neptune 9. The Uber driver told me driving me back home from my tutoring session to take it easy. It’s Sunday.

“Home” I just called it. Amazing how that works.

“LA is your home, CJ.” my mother told me as I hugged her for perhaps the last time.

https://www.thatotherwebshow.comJust hugged my mom last night, both of us in tears knowing this is the last time I may see her alive. The reality is sinking in as we both made amends, guaranteeing we will part friends, as I worked so hard for all these miserable months. Thank you Gracie Rae for your guidance and love. Thank you all at, ACA/OA Next Stage Recovery for being there for me. You have brought my family and I peace and serenity by learning patience and understanding for the alcoholic parents in our lives. The steps work and the program works if you work it! Bless you all! Below, my mother and stepfather, Chris. Mom had no choice but to call me, CJ. LOL

In all of this, I have learned this is, as yet of another chapter turning in my already changing life. It’s time to start again and finish what I started in LA with Karin. I must go on.

But after six months of healing, grieving and learning, it is time to go back to the only place I have ever called home…Los Angeles California.

I have at least one job waiting for me plus 2 more freelance jobs, so confidence is high.

CJ's Story

CJ’s Story – Staying in Hawaii

Despite the fact I had an interview for a good-paying Digital Marketing Assistant position in Los Angeles, I decided to stay in Hawaii.

The deciding factor of course, was seeing my mother using a walker after a week’s consumption of vodka. Before she didn’t have to use one and it hit me hard. She finally (paused) drinking after realizing she could no longer walk.

Add that to the fact I was going to gamble and go for it without any means of support, food or housing told me there was no gong back.  It was tough to survive the streets in my thirties and I know damn well I could not survive in the shape I was now in. The streets of LA are hard and cold this time of winter.

I had unfinished business in Los Angeles and it would just have to wait.

https://www.thatotherwebshow.comPrecious friends like Lorena, Darren and Ian convinced me I was making the right decision. I had to get my health back so I could help my mother in her final years. I was in a rush to leave this sinking ship, not realizing that I may have the power to keep it afloat for just a little while longer.

I came here for this exact reason and I will try to see it through. (left, my mother and I back in 2006 in front of the Hustler Casino. Back in the days of flowing money, love and good times.)

I now understand Mom’s anger was fueled not only by pure vodka, but by the idea she would never see me again. After losing my brother to anger, I now know I should remain with her for just a little while longer. I guess this is where I belong for the time being. Isn’t strange how these things happen for a reason?

A lady in my Al Anon group called me an “Al Anon Ninja” for my patience, and handling of my raging mother. I take pride in that knowing AA, experience and Karin taught me these redeeming traits. Clearly they have salvaged my relationship with my mother, my stepfather and possibly my brother, if we ever meet again.

Whoa, CJ. One miracle at a time.

It was now time for me to get what I had put off for over twenty years…a knee replacement. I would either be blessed with a new and improved knee or I would be confined to a wheelchair for the remainder of my life.

But I have been instructed by my counselors that I need to think positive, which I am slowly learning to do, as Karin had taught me, finally. Besides, the methodology and medical procedures are much more advanced and prone to higher levels of success…I pray.

CJ out.

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